Geek Love

So TLC recently aired a new two episode premiere called "Geek Love."  Probably the most interesting discussion point that came up after watching this show with her, well... I was more playing a game on the laptop called "Gratuitous Space Battles."  Basically, imagine a game where all you do is decide whether you want your Imperial cruiser to have powered armor, ablative armor, shields, reflective shields, regenerating shields, auto-repair systems, fusion lasers, quantum blasters, defence (silly Europeans) lasers, missile launchers, decoy missiles, rocket launchers, targeting lasers, missile defense lasers...

Okay, so now you're probably aware of why this show was so interesting to her, but anyway...  We were watching Geek Love and the interesting discussion point came up when I was asked a simple question.  "Do you ever wish you married a geek girl instead?"

RED ALERT! RED ALERT!  A trap question was identified to our port side.

Questionable questions aside, it was an honest question.   The simple answer was, "No."  The longer answer was, "No. Never."

Alright, so you'd like a bit further discussion on the subject matter? I certainly hope so as that's what I'll be doing for a few more paragraphs.  Basically, the unimagineable awesomeness of her largely comes from the fact that she isn't a geek girl, or much more importantly... she isn't what I wanted.  Or at least that I thought I had.

An oft told story is how I met her on a blind date.  Blind dates are, for the most part, innately random.  Almost like a dark splotch on our fantastically beautiful world that we call the cosmos.  I used to loathe whoever came up with the idea of "blind dates."  Granted, I loathed them moreso because I never got to go out on them, but the premise seemed flawed at best.  If I can't get a date with someone I know, who says that someone I don't know would even care?  Cause let's face it... there is probably something wrong with you if you can't get dates with people you know.

"Hey, want to go on a date with my friend?  He's a really nice guy but can't ever seem to find girls that want to go out with him.  I mean, he's got a lot of interesting hobbies but not used to talking to women.  I mean, he's got a great personality!  So... how about he picks you up this Saturday at 8?"

That scenario does little to inspire confidence, which consequently landed me in my loathsome state.  Of course, nothing was ever wrong with me.  It was everyone else who had the problems!

Internal monologuing aside, I had recently been hooked on a song by The Fray when I was dating her, and everything clicked.  The song is titled "She Is" and here's the chorus part"
"She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed"
Granted, the body of the song paints a different picture, but disregard that for the moment.  Returning to my earlier sentiment, it's less about not wanting her, and moreso about all the things I had previously wanted not fulfilling what I needed.

Now I'm no Romeo, but it never worked out with any of the girls I pursued before.  Obviously, otherwise this whole trite dialogue would be non-existent.  No, what I did realize was the things that I wanted, or thought I wanted, were doing little for me.  They weren't the things I needed.  The things that would inspire confidence, courage, charm, curiosity, or compassion.  All these things I found in her; the one person I thought was so enigmatically impossible to find from such a random social encounter apart from societal norms. And our encounter was so ironically chaotic that it astounds me there was success at all, if not by magnificent design.

So to return to my previous answer, "No. Never."  Any thought of me marrying someone else or engaging the thought of a different person with which I might share interests is futile and furthest from my heart.  I've dated them all before, and I have no desire to return.  In truth, I am so changed  by her that I never will.