A Man of Many Dreams

Irony is no stranger to me.  One of my pocketed ideas yet to be unveiled was the idea to start a webcomic.  The irony in my ineffective art skills, but I considered good writing to more than make up for it (there are quite a few comics floating around that make use of minimal art capabilities so perhaps I have a shot).  I even did the leg work to set up the server space, and I mapped out and designed the marketing logo and everything.  In a given window of time, I can imagine almost anything.

The problem was never if I could do it.  Certainly, I had led myself to believe that was the problem.  I'd dawdle over the art direction, vacillate about whether my abilities were up to snuff, and generally straddle the fence.  You see, the real problem was actually doing it.

Like too many of my pet projects (you'd claim I was a practicing necromancer with my inability to let old ideas go), I would doubt the execution.  I would doubt the effectiveness.  I would doubt... me.  One of my greater flaws is the hardship I have in doing things "just for me."  Largely, I think that phrase doesn't even exist in my mental database.  I would never start a webcomic and keep it going "just for me."  Clearly, I'd need to know if I have an audience, what my audience is looking for, if my pseudo-philosophical, poorly-drawn, metaphoric, mental soliloquy of a comic is even properly formed enough to be understood by someone who doesn't live within the confines of my skeletal cranium, and all other manner of seemingly-important-yet-probably-mostly-insignificant-to-a-start-up-project kind of things.

And to think that with this idea, I sold myself on the idea of just that.  Doing it just for myself.  I even made an unspoken vow to just put up at least one image every day for a whole year, just to prove I could commit to a project.  Since my previously expanded upon and set up web host has suspended my account due to inactivity, I think you can easily deduce how "successful" I was in that particular field of development.

Still, in the deeper regions of my self-inflated ego, I occasionally return to these less-than-attempted ideas pondering how magnificent they could've been.  Yes, there are times where I will readily admit a bad idea when I can find one, but it's especially less rewarding to find yourself patting yourself on the back for not doing a given thing.  Or at least it feels like such to me.

Who knows, perhaps one day these things will see the light.  I did just renew my database for another two more years.


  1. I feel as though I do the same type of thing a lot. I have these big ideas for a project, be it a craft, a painting, a play, writing a play, writing a story... what have you... and then I let it fall by the wayside because I doubt my ability to accomplish (ahem, start) said project.

    Procrastination and self-doubt are my biggest enemies.

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